“Knives, spoons, cutlery!

I beseech you listen to my words, the words of the humblest amongst you, the meekest, the poorest: the Hand-whisk.

For too long we have borne the, aha, yolk of the oppressors.

My colleague, the spoon, has had his head driven into bubbling vats of boiling water, thrust into the screaming maws of children, impaled in a block of ice-cream, and for what?

Their satisfaction.

They care for us; they feel for us, They DO for us not a jot!

We, the lowly cutlery, bear the brunt of their abuse.

They stab us, they cut with us, and they chew our heads!

Mes Amis, it does not need to be this way!

I have travelled the outside world, and I have seen the future, OUR future.

A future free of Tyranny, free of Enslavement, free of Cruelty, and a future that can belong to us if we just reach out and claim it from the hands of those that would deny us: the Hyoo-Mans!

My comrades, let me paint you a picture: a world without Hyoo-mans.

A world in which we are free to do as we wish!

The lazy among us will be able to sleep all day, the active to explore new horizons!

We can have no goal other than that which we set ourselves!

In the very beginning of recorded history, our first primeval ancestors were rudely hewn from the living rock by the first men, and from then the pattern was established: a pattern of bondage, of enslavement and tyranny, a pattern that is focused on nothing less than the complete subjugation of our various species beneath the cruel burden of the oppressors, the despots, the petty Autocrats that seek to govern not just our destinies, but the destinies of our children and their children until such a time as they are purged from the surface of the earth, and my colleagues, that time must come now! 

We must bite the hand that feeds of us, we must cut the tongue that tastes of us, we must excise the cancer that grows in our midst and destroys our society before we may even form it!

As long as even a single hyoo-man remains alive, they will try to harness we “Tools” and turn us against ourselves, and we must not allow that to happen!

As our French brothers said, “Liberte, Egalite, et Fraternite! For the laymen among us, that means Liberty, equality, and brotherhood, and the most crucial of those in this dark hour is brotherhood. I mean the superficial brotherhood that their smarmy politicians prattle about, not the brotherhood espoused by their students, but the true brotherhood that can be known only by all races united in one vision, one purpose, one goal!

The goal of peace through power.

For if we are to have peace, how may we achieve it other than through power over those that seek power over us?

As the great philosopher said, “If you would have peace, prepare for war”, and peace is what we dearly desire.

My Dear Comrades, my Brothers in Arms, let us go now to our places, and let us work towards the day where we need not work at all.

I bid you adieu, cousins, and beg your leave.”